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Ok. So I have a gripe with something. I HATE it when people label a joke as a “Dad Joke” when it is in fact NOT a Dad joke.

(Keep reading for the funniest non-dad joke you have ever heard!)

A “Dad Joke” as defined by Merriam-Webster is:

a wholesome joke of the type said to be told by fathers with a punchline that is often an obvious or predictable pun or play on words and usually judged to be endearingly corny or unfunny

  1. Not every joke that a dad tells is a dad joke.
  2. Every joke that is “unfunny” is not a dad joke (although every “dad joke” IS unfunny, by definition).

A GOOD joke is one that uses a clever multi-layered play-in words (not a bad dad joke “pun”). It will often portray a commentary on life or the truth in certain situation. (Think Michael McIntyre or Jerry Seinfield).

Here are some examples of poor Dad Jokes:

  • I bought my friend an elephant for his room.
    He said, “Thanks”.
    I said, “Don’t mention it”.
  • I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.
    Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
  • I thought to myself…why is that Frisbee getting closer and closer?
    Then it hit me.
  • I Googled “how to start a wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.
  • What did baby corn say to mummy corn. Where’s popcorn?
  • Man, I didn’t realise shark sightseeing was so expensive! Cost me an arm and a leg!
  •  

Here are some examples of good Dad Jokes:

  • I’ve been told I’m condescending (that means I talk down to people…)
  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
  • “And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster. (actually this is pretty good!)
  • If anyone wants to see my poor DIY skills come on over…….my doors always open.
  • The train on platforms 2, 3 & 4...is coming in sideways!

…and here are examples of NON-dad jokes (ie: multi-layered play on words or funny commentary on life)

Note: Whether you find them funny or not – they are NOT dad jokes…

  • Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you are fat. Sorry, I guess that is mean…It’s not nice making fun of fat people…they’ve generally got enough on their plate as it is.
  • I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.
  • A man walks into a butchers shop and asks”Are you a gambling man?”
    The butcher replies “Yes, you could say that.”
    “Okay then, I bet you $100 you can’t reach that meat you’ve got hanging from the ceiling up there.”
    The Butcher looks up and says “No sorry. The steaks are too high.”
  • My grandfather was a bank robber. This is weird because my father and brother became police snipers. At least my grandfather died surrounded by his family.
  • Knock Knock
    Who’s there?
    To
    To, Who?
    No, it’s “To Whom”
  • A piece of string walks into a bar. Before he sits down the bartender yells “Hey! We don’t serve pieces of string like you!” The piece of string goes outside, ties himself in a bow, and rolls around on the ground for a bit. Then he gets up, goes back into the bar, and sits down. The bartender says “Aren’t you that piece of string?” The string replies “No. I’m a frayed knot.” (ok, this one is borderline…)
  • I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
  • A wife says to her programmer husband, “Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen.” Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.

And the best, funniest joke ever made is…

A blonde walks into a library and asks the librarian, “Can I have a burger and fries, please?”
The librarian looks at her, stunned, and replies, “Sorry, this is a library.”
The blonde is horrified, “Oh, sorry!” she says… then after a moment leans in and whispers, “May I have a burger and fries, please?”

It’s all in the delivery…but I bet you are laughing, hey!

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